Seems like everyone and their grandmother these days is building a website. Bloggers and entrepreneurs are permeating the ‘net daily with their own sites. So why not up the ante with something a little beyond the pale? Let’s get rambunctious and design site that will really stick in the reader’s mind – or at least his craw. All we need to do is follow these ten secrets, and we’re on our way to creating an awesomely over-engineered website:

1. Build a Busy Background – Find the most obnoxiously nauseating moving background, with gifs, textures, and an assortment of bold colors. Bonus points if you can obscure the text in the process.
2. Add some Music – Embed an audio file that plays automatically when the page loads – the louder the better. A sure-fire hit in the workplace!
3. Start Off with a Splash – Why take your visitor straight to the informative content straight away when you can get them to click yet another page first which says, “Click Here to Enter”? What fun!
4. Keep those Pop-ups Poppin’ – And not just pop-up ads, but text balloons whenever the visitor mouses over a phrase or image. Then make sure the pop-up stays there, obscuring the content from the reader. Now you’re cooking with gas, my friend.
5. Change Fonts Frequently – Use a different font for every text field and be sure to change the color and size as often as possible. That goes for the backgrounds too. Readers just love to be assaulted with over-the-top graphics.
6. Winning with Widgets – Fill in those borders with an assortment of widgets – embedded videos, news banners, horoscopes, and slide shows of lolcats. Don’t be stingy with the goodies. Fans love ‘em.
7. Use Annoying Cursor Trailers – like this one, to get your visitors into a festive holiday mood. Or try this. It just smacks of dizzying romance, doesn’t it?
8. Monetize Everything! – Link keywords in your text to related ads. Writing an article about raising chickens? Make sure every single instance of the word chicken or chicks is hyper-linked to a full-page KFC ad. Preface every video with a commercial, too.
9. Cloak Your Website – This one will make you popular with both your readers and search engines. You’ll need to build two websites to make this work. The first one will be packed with search phrase-relevant words for the search engine to find when it does a crawl. This will ensure good page ranking results. The second page will be the one that visitors to your site will actually open, which will have absolutely no relevance whatsoever to their search terms.
10. Camouflage Keywords – This one is another beauty. You embed text within your website’s content that is the same color as the page’s background. The camouflaged keywords are found by search engines, but are unseen by visitors to the page.